Things Have Changed
by lily M. Potter
Summary: James and Lily face Voldermort for the first time and narrowly escape. But how? There's soemthing James isn't telling Lily and she's determined to find out what it is. Part one of the 'Things have Changed' series. Is DH compatible but with no spoilers...


James hit the floor of Dumbledore's office hard, Lily landing beside him.

"How did…?"

"Portkey," he replied quietly, holding up a muddy rock that had been tightly clenched in his hand. Lily stared at him hard, breathing heavily but not saying a word before her face betrayed her emotions; she bit her lip and suddenly tears were streaming down her cheeks as the severity of the situation hit her.

"Lily," James whispered, before crawling across the floor towards her and pulling her to him. She clung to his soaking robes and sobbed heavily into his shoulder. He held her tight, stroking her drenched hair in what he hoped was a comforting manner while trying to keep his own tears at bay. He needed to be strong--for her.

"Thank you," she cried desperately, clenching her fists tighter into the wet material. "Thank you, James."

"Shh, you don't have to thank me for anything--" he whispered fiercely into her hair.

"You got us out…" she replied quietly. He wrapped his arms tighter around her as she continued to sob, "I can't believe we got out…"

Minutes passed and they stayed together, wrapped in each others arms, rocking gently in a silence interrupted only by her tears and his comforting.

"We should've died." James forced himself to pull back and look at her.

"No, Lily--"

"We _should_ have died." He searched her face and was about to reply when she interrupted him.

"We are _too_ young and _too_ inexperienced to have--to have sur…how on earth did we…?" She babbled on, shaking her head, sobbing, working herself up.

"Lily. Lily? Lily, listen to me" said James calmly, he put his hands on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. "We survived, ok? And it was _you_." His eyes searched hers. "You saved us--you did it." She began to shake her head in protest and tried to look away from him as more tears fell but his hold tightened. "Look at me--_look at me_…if you hadn't used that--that _charm_ we would have died."

"You got us out," she interrupted, eyes looking into his pleadingly. This time he shook him head, his hair sticking to his forehead as water continued to drip from his fringe.

"I would never have had time to make that portkey if it hadn't been--"

"NO! It wasn't me! It couldn't--my charm couldn't have worked…it was you-" James tried to cut in but she continued with more force, "--your _protego--_"

"No, Lily," he forced her to look at him again. "Voldermort can break through _protego--_he_ did--_it isn't powerful enough--it _must _have been your charm."

"It doesn't make sense! It shouldn't have worked--I didn't think it would--I just--I just…there was no other--I couldn't think of anything else!"

"I don't care if it shouldn't have worked…it did."

"You don't understand! It's old magic. I found it in the library, and I mean, it's powerful stuff so I figured…but it's based purely on love, James. There has to be a severe emotional bond for it to even, god, even _think_ about working."

He stared at her hard for a moment before slowly taking his hands off her face and looking away.

Lily continued on, not noticing the change in his demeanour. "_Diligo Praesidium_," she whispered to herself with a confused expression, using the back of her hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. "It's the strongest defensive spell I could think of but it's so advanced. I couldn't possibly--"

"You're a great witch Lily, you're possible of anything--" began James quietly.

"You can't trick magic, James! _All_ I was feeling at the moment was fear…I--it--it shouldn't have worked--"

"Lily…" began James, bringing his hand up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek, eyes searching hers. "I--I need to…" Lily's breathing was returning to normal and so she sat, looking back at him in the same way he was looking at her. "I…" he looked away shaking his head before looking back at her with a determination in his eyes, 

"Tonight…things like that don't happen to a person often--it--it really made me think, you know? I was standing there facing him and…and all I could think was--"

Dumbledore stormed through his office doors, seemingly unsurprised to find his two head students wet, bleeding and locked in an embrace in the middle of his office floor.

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"Then what happened?" he asked calmly. Lily looked to James but he was staring resolutely at his hands in his lap.

"I…well, everything is a little bit," she lets out a shaky breath, "blurry…from then on. But from--from what I can remember we were standing facing…him. There were Death Eaters surrounding us…they had formed a sort of circle after he had called them but--but I'm not really sure how he _had _called them there…they just seemed to know where to apparate to…He just stood for a while, as if sizing us up," she laughed a hollow laugh, "as if judging if we were even worth his effort…"

She looked away from Dumbledore's penetrating blue stare, and copied James by staring at her hands before continuing. "He told us that he was going to…" she trailed off, making James look up. Lily was biting her lip again and so he decided to take over.

"He wanted to know who we were, why we were there…When he found out who I was he tried to convince me to join his side. He offered me power, glory and all the rest…"

"When James refused, he got angry. Really angry. He demanded to know who I was, but I think he somehow knew that I wasn't a pureblood…just in the way he looked at me. James--James must've…" she searched for the right term, "_sensed_ what was about to happen." She looked over at him but he stared forward. "He," she smiles weakly, "kind of moved and positioned himself in front of me_."_

"Mr. Potter?"

"In all honesty I was--I was terrified…" He ran a hand through his drying hair. "I didn't know what was going to happen but I knew I couldn't let anything happen to Lily--it was my fault we were there."

"That's not true--"

"Yes it is! If I hadn't--"

"Now, now. Lets not place blame on how you got into such a situation. I must admit I'm more interested in how you got out of it."

Lily and James remained silent.

"Miss Evans?" Lily slowly looked up.

"We're not entirely sure…"

"Lily!" said James in a disbelieving tone.

"You disagree Mr Potter?"

"I…no…" he sighed. "I created a portkey. I know it's illegal, but I figured if it was going to save our lives then--"

"I quite agree, but I must ask how you managed to create one let alone amidst a group of armed Death Eaters?" James stared guiltily at his hands.

"James used _protego_ to counter Voldermort's attack-"

"That's not what happened! I mean, I _did_ use _protego_, but he broke through it easily--it was Lily who managed to sustain a protection long enough to allow me time to--"

"Sorry Professor, but I disagree."

"You disagree?"

"There was no way for me to have sustained that protection, my spell didn't work."

"May I ask what spell you used, Miss Evans? "

"It was, um, _Diligo Praesidium?_" said Lily, unsure if Dumbledore knew of it. "I found it in the library…but I don't think I would have actually been able to make it work…"

Dumbledore appeared as if he wasn't listening to her and was instead looking curiously over the rim of his half-moon spectacles at James before he turned his attention back to her.

"And why is that?"

"Well…it's basis is love, but strong and powerful love not just the kind felt between friends." Dumbledore didn't miss, as Lily did, James slight wince at her mention of the term 'friends'. "So I just feel that there must have been some other factor--something else," she finished quietly.

"I see. Mr. Potter, do have anything to add?" asked Dumbledore, again peering at him over his glasses. James remained silent for a long time before slowly looking up.

"I--I figure that Lily's spell worked because at the same time as she cast it Voldermort also cast…well, _something_." He paused and took a deep, steadying breath, 

"I'm not sure what spell it was--my guess would be that it was an unforgivable but obviously not the killing curse, nothing can protect against that," he added hastily.

Lily was about to interrupt but James continued. "I saw it coming. Lily didn't--she'd been duelling with a Death Eater and was on the ground. I…I fired the _protego_ but of course it didn't work. That's when Lily said her spell, but the unforgivable, or whatever it was, had already been fired so I'd," He paused again, glancing quickly at Lily before continuing, "I'd stepped in front of it."

"Ah," said Dumbledore as Lily let out a loud "What!".

"So, I suppose the spell was, sort of amplified, or something, by, uh, that," finished James lamely.

"Indeed selfless acts can sometimes have that effect, Mr. Potter." Lily sat silently fuming in her chair. "So at this point, with that protection you managed to create a portkey which transported you here, to my office?"

"Yes, sir," answered James simply. Dumbledore nodded silently. He stood up and motioned for them to do the same.

"What you did tonight was nothing short of outstanding. You should both be extremely proud of what you have accomplished. Not many seventeen-year-old wizards or witches, have faced Voldermort and lived to tell the tale. You will both receive awards for special services to the school and will receive one hundred points each for Gryffindor."

"Thank you Professor," said James quietly.

"Now, if you would proceed to the hospital wing. I doubt I would hear the end of it if I didn't demand you both to have a once over by the matron." He smiled as he ushered them from his office, "Goodnight to you both."

Lily and James made their way slowly to the hospital wing exhausted from the night's happenings. The halls were deserted as it was past curfew and James was thankful, he really didn't fancy running into anyone and having to explain where they had been all evening. He searched for something to say to Lily who seemed to be determinately avoiding any conversation.

"Uh, so how're you feeling?" It was pathetic and he knew it. Lily seemed to think so too as she chose to roll her eyes rather than answer.

"Lily, come on--"

"Don't!" she said fiercely as she walked ahead of him.

"What do you want from me?" he asked angrily. He grabbed her arm and forced her to face him. "I had to--"

"You didn't _have _to do anything--"

"And, what? Let you get hit?"

"Yes!" she hissed. "You could have let me get hit. God, James what were you thinking?" she asked in a furious whisper, pulling her arm from his grasp. She threw her arms in the air, "I mean, I know us girls are all fragile and whatnot but I _can_ protect myself. I do not need you jumping in front of curses--"

"I thought it was the killing curse, ok? I'd like to see you protect yourself from that!" However this only made her angrier.

"The killing curse? You were going to…Are you _completely off your head_! You _do_ realise what the killing curse does?" she asked sarcastically.

"Listen it was a choice between you and me--"

"And you chose me?" James ran a hand through his hair before looking at her earnestly.

"I--I chose you…" he repeated quietly., "Look, I know your angry with me--"

Lily sighed loudly.

"I'm not. I'm not angry with you," she said in defeat, "I just…I don't understand why you would do it."

James didn't answer and instead looked away from her questioning gaze and motioned that they should continue to the hospital wing. Lily stared at him before frowning slightly and walking away.

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The matron insisted that they stay over night in the hospital wing despite the fact that apart from a few scrapes and bruises she couldn't find anything discernibly wrong with either of them. She hustled and bustled around them ranting about the unnecessary danger students seemed to constantly be getting themselves into while Lily and James lay silent in parallel beds. They were left alone shortly after and the lights were extinguished though it was well after midnight until either of them spoke.

"James?" Lily whispered into the darkness.

"Mmm?" Lily didn't reply. "Lily?"

"How did you do it?"

"Do what?" Again, he was met with only silence. He was about to repeat himself when she began to speak in a thick voice.

"How could you give up your life for someone else?"

"I…" he began, but he wasn't sure how to continue.

She sniffed loudly, which made James look over at her bed and away from the spot of light he had been watching on the opposite wall for the last few hours. "I don't think I'd have been able to do it." She laughed a watery laugh, "Some Gryffindor I turned out to be, eh?"

"It's not brave to die, Lily."

"Why did you choose me over you, James?" she asked suddenly.

He sighed, "What does it matter?"

"James--"

"I'm glad I did," he said stubbornly, "if I hadn't we wouldn't have made it out of there alive."

"I know that James!" she said angrily, annoyed he was avoiding the question, "You risked your life to protect me and we got away. But why did you do it James? _Why _did you pick me?"

"Can't you just drop it?" he asked angrily.

"No! I don't _want_ to drop it. Why are you avoiding answering--"

"I'm not avoiding anything!"

"James, just tell me."

"I can't."

"And why's that?"

"Just drop it!"

"You can jump in front of a curse but your too scared to tell me--"

"I'm not scared."

"Then why won't you--"

"Why are you being so stubborn?"

"Because you're not telling me something--I saw it in Dumbledore's office too! I just don't understand what it is you can't tell me. I thought we'd become friends over this past year--"

"We did--I mean, we have--"

"Friends are supposed to tell each other things James, I thought we were close enough to trust each other."

"I _do_ trust you."

"Then you should know that you can tell me James. You can tell me anything." James laughed to himself but Lily overheard. She threw back her covers, getting off her bed.

"What're you doing?" he asked nervously as she picked up her wand from her bedside cabinet. Lily didn't answer as she stormed, barefoot, across the ward, throwing the door open and leaving. James quickly checked that the matron hadn't heard the commotion before grabbing his glasses and wand, getting out of his bed to follow.

"Lily!" he called after ensuring the ward doors were closed. She ignored him and kept walking. James ran to catch up with her. "Please, just listen to me-"

"No! If _you_ don't want to talk to _me_ then I_ certainly _don't want to talk to _you_." Again, James grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at him.

"Let go of me," she said her voice full of tears. She violently pulled her arm away from his grasp but stayed where she was. "You know, at the beginning of the year I was dreading having to work with you. But, god forbid, you grew on me! And--and we became friends, _close friends, _I had thought. But obviously…_obviously _I was wrong. _Obviously _youdon't value my friendship as much as I valued yours."

"You don't know what your talking about."

"You made it perfectly clear."

"No I didn't, your assuming things."

"Then why don't you set the record straight? Tell me what's really going on here!"

"You don't know how much this last year has meant to me. To have you…_not_ hate me…I never though I'd see the day…I can't tell you why I chose you because I can't have you going back to hating me again," he said honestly.

"I wouldn't hate you--"

"I'm pretty sure you would."

"Why don't you trust me to be able to handle whatever-the-hell is bothering you?"

"Look, lets just go back to the hospital wing--"

"You're doing it again! You're avoiding the conversation!"

"There _is_ no conversation! It's simple, I chose you."

"Why?!"

"Because you're my friend--"

"You're still not telling me everything," she interrupted exacerbated.

"What is it you want to hear?" he exclaimed angrily.

"The truth!"

"The truth?"

"Yes the truth. It's really not that difficult!"

"Fine! You want the truth?" he said, frustrated. "The truth is that I'm so _madly_ in love with you that I didn't even have to _think_ about jumping in front of that curse I just did it." He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head as he searched for the right things to say. "And I'm guessing that your spell worked because, well not just because I jumped in front of you but _because _I love you in that--that over the top, scarily powerful way you were talking about earlier."

As his anger ebbed away, embarrassment and fear about what he'd just admitted took over. He took a shuddering breath. "Please," he whispered, looking anywhere but at Lily, "don't hate me. I tried, God, I tried to…not feel this way but it's not something I could control. This is why I didn't want to…" He met her gaze briefly before closing his eyes an re-focusing on his shoes. "You can pretend that I never said anything, we can go back to how things were but please--_please_," he whispered, "don't hate me."

"I--I don't. I don't hate you…but I don't think I'll be able to act as if you hadn't…" James nodded tight lipped. "You're…" But it was as if Lily had decided against what she was about to say because she didn't continue.

"What?"

Lily sighed, suddenly feeling awkward. "How can you be…in love…with me?" she asked in a whisper. "I mean, we barely even spoke until…and even then, I know we became close…but to be in love with me? I've never done anything to deserve…"

"I don't expect you to--"

"You can hardly expect me to pretend as if you don't--"

"Please, I don't want anything to change--"

"But everything _has_ changed. First with what…with what we went through tonight and now with…this."

"But--"

"I think I should go, James."

"You said earlier that there had to have been an emotional bond between the two for your spell to work, which means, if I'm in not mistaken, you have to feel something for me, too."

"We're friends."

"No," he said desperately, "you said it had to be strong--_severe_ even."

"I--I--I don't--" stuttered Lily.

James took a step towards her and looked in her eyes. His breathing slowed but his heart rate was going a mile a minute. Lily backed up, bumping into the wall behind her. James watched as she did it before making the decision to take another step towards her.

"James, please, I--" She wasn't trapped; she could leave if she wanted to, but she stayed, stayed and stared at him as she had earlier and James took this as conformation.

He leaned in closer. Lily's breathing hitched and she closed her eyes, a tear slipping through her eyelashes.

"Please, don't hate me," he whispered into her ear. "We can pretend as if I hadn't said anything. I can let you come to whatever conclusion you need to come to. I can give you time, space, anything you need. Just please, don't hate me."

He drew away from her and her eyes flickered open finding his. She blinked rapidly before silently nodding and pushing off the wall. They walked the short walk to the Hospital wing in silence. James held the door open for her, and she gave him a faint smile in return and headed for her bed.

The next morning the school was abuzz with rumours about their encounter and they were discharged at breakfast to a large crowd of prying students. All thoughts of their conversation last night being outwardly forgotten but still fresh in their minds as they fought their way through the day.

It took Lily roughly a month to work up the courage to admit her feelings for James and another two weeks to work up the courage to tell him.

Things _had_ changed.


End file.
